Basically the premise of the article is that "good" moms will follow the three main principles of "attachment parenting," which are:
1. Breastfeed forever (or at least until their kids go to kindergarden)
2. Cosleep (in the same bed, not just the same room)
3. "Baby wear" (i.e, hold their babies 24/7, and never use a stroller)
I think these "rules" come from a very well-intentioned place - Yes, parents should breastfeed whenever possible, and hold their kids most of the time, and keep them safe at night. But I get so angry at how extreme some people are in holding these views - and even angrier when I think about how much I tend to buy into them without any question... because being a parent in 2012 apparently means that I "should" do all of those things, right?
I'm proud that we're finally breastfeeding without much pain (knock on wood)... but if I ever heard of another mother going through everything we did to get to this place, I would never for a second think of her as "less of a mom" if she opted for formula instead. Two of the moms in my New Mama group are using formula, and it sickens me to think of how scared they were to admit it to the rest of the group! Does society really expect us to believe that they love their kids less than the rest of us do, simply because they can't breastfeed?
In the vein of admitting "faults," I'm going to go out on a limb here and proclaim to the world that Rose has been sleeping in her own room since she was about three weeks old. (Quelle horreur!) We planned to keep her in our room (in her bassinet) until she was several months old, but you know what? She is LOUD when she sleeps. And you know what? Every extra minute of sleep that I can get makes me a better mom for her during the rest of the day (and night). So am I less of a mom because we're not cosleeping?
We're also breaking a lot of the other modern-day parenting rules, none of which I'm supposed to admit to if I want to be considered a "good mom" in this day and age:
*She sleeps in a bouncy seat or in my/Mike's arms. (Because if we can't cosleep, we should at least put her in her crib, right?)
*We wait a couple seconds/minutes to respond to her noises at night (to make sure she's really awake and not just "talking" in her sleep). (Because she should never be allowed the slightest sense of discomfort, right?)
*I love our stroller and Rose hates her Moby wrap. (Because being in the stroller means I don't love her since she's not attached to my body, right?)
*I'm sticking with the breastfeeding as long as I can, but I'm going to be pretty happy when she's weaned. (Because I should want to breastfeed forever and should only be sad when I think of stopping this wonderful bonding experience, right?)
*I can only narrate my every move and stare at her beautiful face for so many hours before I get insanely bored - so part of me is actually looking forward to going back to work. (Because I should only feel sad and I should stress to everyone that I'd much rather stay home if I could, right?)
And I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them in my still sleep-deprived state. (But I shouldn't mention any of the drawbacks to early parenting, just the joys, right?)
Isn't it sad that I feel uncomfortable "admitting" these things? If I sit back and try to be completely objective, I still do think I'm a pretty darn good mom - despite the fact that societal expectations would apparently tell me that I'm "failing" Rose for all of those reasons.
So here's a novel idea:
How about we all try to let go of unrealistic parenting expectations, stop holding ourselves up to unattainable standards, and start giving ourselves credit for being the best parents we can possibly be?
Maybe then we can all be "mom enough."
