First Mommy-Daughter Road Trip!

I've been getting the travel bug for awhile, but we haven't had a lot of spare money to plan a major vacation. (I can't WAIT to take Rose to the ocean, but alas we just haven't had the resources to do such a thing. YET.)   So a couple weeks ago, as Mike was planning a solo getaway to the arrowhead region for some ice fishing, I decided to get a little creative with planning my own vacation. Of course I wanted to go South for some warmth at the end of winter, but instead of the gulf coast I figured that maybe Iowa would be a little more in line with the realities of our financial situation.  My friend Megan (and her family) moved away last fall, and she had given us an open invitation to come visit them in Cedar Rapids. Well, having a trip SOUTH at the end of winter seemed like a great opportunity, even if the initial allure of Iowa wasn't quite as strong as the allure of the ocean. But the promise of a cheap, fun, and do-able getaway was too great to pass up! And such a trip would be my first chance to try some solo travel with Rose -- Mike has taken her to Hayward by himself a couple times, but I've never been alone in the car with her for more than an hour or so - I think Northfield has been our limit.   Once we settled on our road trip destination, I was able to look forward with excitement to the last weekend in March!!

As it got closer, Rose got more and more excited about our "road trip." I don't think she entirely understood what we would be doing, but she knew that I would both drop her off and pick her up from school, that she would have a half day at school, that we would be bringing our suitcases for a sleepover, and that she would get to play with some new friends. Pretty soon she was hooked!  The night before, we worked on packing her suitcase, which she LOVED doing. Then we were going to back some brownies to bring with us, but she was so worried that I hadn't packed yet! I tried to tell her that I would pack after she went to sleep, but she ultimately decided that she would rather help me pack than bake the brownies!

The morning of our adventure, she insisted on bringing her own suitcase out to the car. She was SO excited!

I picked her up at about 1pm, which I thought would be perfect timing since she normally naps from 1-ish to 3-ish. Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans...  At 2pm we stopped for a quick potty (for her) and caffeine (for me) break, and it wasn't until 4:40pm she finally dozed off. Oy vey!  We pulled in to Cedar Rapids at about 5:20, at which time the change from highway speeds to local roads woke up Little Miss. After a quick consultation with Megan, we decided to meet up at Chick Fil A for dinner. Now, I was a little nervous about it since I'm not a huge fan of fast food, the MN location has never been convenient for me to try, and I'm vehemently opposed to their politics. But now I'm singing a different song because (a) the food was delicious (Rose also agreed!) and (b) the play area was perfect for our three little ones.  And they've stopped supporting anti-LGBT organizations, so it's okay to eat there now, right??

After dinner we went to Megan's house, where the kids (Rose - almost 3, Norah - 4.5, and Henry - almost 2) all played for a little while before bedtime. Rose went to bed like a champ, and I stayed up way too late drinking wine and catching up with Megan - it was lovely!!!

The next morning we saw that Rose and Henry happened to be wearing the exact same pajamas!

Norah was happy to be the star of the pictures!

I was the odd woman out - my pajamas didn't match anyone else's!

After breakfast we went on a "nature walk" in the woods behind their house.

We even got to see deer!!

 

We also played outside for a little while before lunch.

It was so much to see Rose getting along with her friends!!

For lunch Megan also invited over her new coworker (and my former grad school colleague) Catalina. It was so great to catch up with her, and to hear about how her husband Kristian (also a former grad school colleague, member of my intern class, and now personality research bigwig) is doing.

After lunch came nap time...

...followed by some exploration of downtown Cedar Rapids! They have a beautiful public library with a GREAT kids' section.

We also walked around the Newbo Market, and then ate dinner at the Parlor Pub. Rose was so excited to get a Happy Hour drink (root beer), macaroni and cheese, applesauce, AND ice cream for dinner!

(for some reason the picture of her huge smile with all her dinner favorites won't load. Sorry!)

Then on Sunday morning, it was time to head out! Rose had a minor meltdown when she saw a ladybug on the window of our car, but all was well by the time we got to Culver's for lunch. (Remember what I said about generally not liking fast food? Culver's totally doesn't count because they have AMAZING cheese curds.)

And after all the driving we did, Rose definitely needed to get to the park on Sunday afternoon to get in some gross motor activity!

All in all, it was a GREAT vacation. Having something to look forward to certainly helped me to get through the month of March, and it was SO great catch up with Megan. I was surprised that a part of me was sort of envious of the quiet rhythm of life in a "small" town like Cedar Rapids (although not so intrigued that I would actually want to pick up our MN roots!). The trip also gave me some new confidence as a mom: four+ hours in the car each way and only one relatively minor meltdown? not bad! I also learned some skills toward being a better "free range parent," as I could see that having two kids certainly forces one to be less immediately responsive to a single child's desires - I learned to step back a bit and Rose work things out more on her own (such as sharing with Norah) instead of immediately stepping in to mediate. I also learned that I love chick-fil-a, even if I feel immense liberal guilt for professing such a thing. Finally, in one of my discussions with Megan I reflected a bit on the role of social media in my life. For the longest time I thought I was immune to the negative effects of Facebook, but recently I've observed my subjective well-being is inversely related to the amount of time I spend on Facebook - I think this is because I see all the travels that my friends do (even if it's infrequent for any one person, with 100+ friends it can look as if everyone is traveling all the time!) and I start to feel jealous, poor and inadequate. As a result, I've been trying to decrease my time on FB, and instead focus more on my blog. I think this blog functions more as medium for healthy self-reflection (like a journal), rather than unhealthy social comparison. In addition, it allows me to both reflect on recent events (thus prolonging positive experiences, and allowing me to process negative ones) and also to be more present in everyday events (e.g., the "Rose-isms" posts) that I might otherwise forget. Finally, I enjoy writing and photography, and this blog helps me keep those creative pursuits active at least a little bit.  I'm appreciative for my time driving and talking to Megan in order to reflect on all of these topics this past weekend!

Well, it's coming up on my bedtime again, so I will leave you with this final image of Rose in her favorite princess dress-up outfit. Have a great week!

another week, another illness

It just wouldn't be a complete week in the Burcusa household without another illness, right? Luckily this one was just a scare - on Wednesday daycare thought she might have a UTI, but thankfully she did not!  Rose was quite a trooper during the exam, especially when she had to be cath'ed since she couldn't pee in a cup. :(

When we got home, she got rewarded with M&Ms and more Frozen.

It was also a chance for us to relax because the MD appointment had interrupted her nap. I love cuddling with my little munchkin!

In other news, Rose and I are leaving this afternoon for our first mommy-daughter road trip. Iowa, here we come! Rose was SO excited to pack her suitcase last night, and to bring it out to the car this morning. :)

Finally, another "Rose-ism" is that she has decided that she only ever wants to wear "all blue." (And apparently navy doesn't count - she prefers teal and light blue. So those blue pants above are not really blue in her mind, and that polka dot shirt was a disappointment because it's not ALL blue.) So every morning we have to search through all her undies to find her "all blue" undies, then through all her shirts to find her "all blue" shirts, etc. It's quite an ordeal! And since she only has about two "all blue" items in each category, they are frequently in the laundry, which is a downfall almost every single day. In order to avoid the extreme (yet frequent) disappointment of having to wear pink or purple or anything else that's not "all blue," she has now started to proclaim "let's call this blue." So today when she had to wear that white shirt under her polka-dot shirt, she decided "let's call these all blue." And then her outfit was satisfactory.

fried

Three days cooped up inside our tiny house with this sick kid (who's still adorable yet undeniably grumpy when feeling under the weather) led me to want NEED a big glass (or two) with our fancy dinner of leftovers and cold cereal.

Oh, and did I mention that it's snowing?! No wonder my mood is foul.

Rose-isms - remind me of these when she's a teenager

Rose has starting saying the sweetest things to me and Mike. The first two are definitely variations of things she has heard us say to her:

"Mommy, I love you."

"I love you SOOOO much, Mommy."


But this third one is one that she created all on her own. It's my absolute favorite thing to hear her say, and one that I wish I had on tape to remind of her of when she becomes a teenager:

"Mommy, I want to stay with you forever and ever."

:)

speaking of health...

Yesterday (Friday) Rose woke up screaming at 5:30am. Definitely not our usually weekday routine of me gently rousing her awake for ~10 minutes at 6:30 in order for us to leave the house by 7am. It soon became clear that she was screaming because she was burning up! Poor girl - I'm so sick of all these fevers that she gets! Since Mike was headed out of town for his big solo fishing weekend (don't ask me if I'm nervous that he's ice fishing all alone for five days in a remote area of northern MN with no cell phone service...), I cancelled my day and changed from work clothes back into yoga pants and a fleece.

First we watched "Brave" on the downstairs TV. (No photo, sorry.)

Then she watched "Frozen" on the couch while I cleaned the kitchen and made a grocery list.

 Around 10am the ibuprofen had really kicked in, so we made a Costco run. OMG, I had forgotten how AMAZING it is to shop at Costco on a weekday. No crowds! No lines for samples! No congestion in the parking lot!

Rose crashed during our drive home, so we ate a quick lunch and then she went to bed at about noon.

While she was napping I watched two episodes of "Modern Family," worked on her annual photo album (which I haven't done since Christmas!!), and read a few chapters in my book. It was heaven!  Finally, around 4pm I ended up gently waking her, out of fear that she wouldn't sleep at all at night if she napped for much longer than four hours.  (I debated that for quite awhile in my head. I definitely know she needs her rest when she's sick, but I also know that she can get off her sleep/wake schedule really easily.)  She then watched "Frozen" again while I cooked dinner.

 Bedtime was a breeze, and I ended up staying up late (10:30pm!) to get her photo album up to date and to read more of my book. Then the Murphy's Law of toddler parenting happened when she woke up crying shortly after 11pm. Seriously, no matter what time I go to bed, she wakes up less than an hour later when I'm hoping to get a good night's sleep. Sigh. At least she generally sleeps quite well when she's not sick. But she was SO upset at 11pm because the afternoon ibuprofen had worn off, so I gave her more medicine and totally caved when she begged me to sleep with her. She was so happy to have me in her bed, but I slept TERRIBLY! Good thing she's so cute.

Today we baked muff-mahns, played legos for hours, went for a short stroller walk around the neighborhood, played at the park, and read lots of stories.

She's finally not feverish tonight, so here's hoping for another relaxing day at home tomorrow, and that she can go to school again on Monday!

What is Health?

(written in late January 2015, but accidentally not published until now)

I've been thinking a lot about health recently. Well, not just recently, but the past year or so. I think it generally started last Christmas when I got (thanks to Jack and Marsha's generosity!) a fitbit  - something I had been eyeing because I noticed I had gained a few pounds in the preceding months. Nothing huge, but instead of the 5-pound range that I was typically in pre-baby, I was instead hovering about 5 pounds higher. And since I despise tracking what I eat, I figured that monitoring my exercise would be a better place to start.

At first I just got used to wearing the darn thing. But a month or two later the trend was pretty clear: I was only averaging about 5000 steps a day, and that was with me trying to get a little extra movement each day - like taking the long way around to the copy machine at work. Yikes!!  (Research suggests that <5000 is "sedentary," 5k-7500 is "low active," 7500-10k is "somewhat active," and >10k is "active"). 

So by about March of 2014 I started trying to deliberately increase my steps each day. I actually really enjoy walking, but the issue was more about time. My job was sucking the life out of me, which I was eventually able to see with the help of my psychologist. As you all know, in May I started looking, in June I accepted my new job, and in July I started handing off more responsibilities in preparation for my August departure.  I think knowing that timeline is a fascinating backdrop to this graph of my steps for 2014:

The step-crazy week in March was when I was in NYC for a conference and I took advantage of walking all over Manhattan.

So finally in October I managed to average 10k steps per day!!! I attribute this to (a) walking more at work, just due to the size of the hospital vs. my old clinics, (b) now waking almost every weekday morning by 5am to walk on the treadmill while watching a TV show on netflix, and (c) walking outside most weekend days. That is, until (wah waaaahhhh...) my steps promptly dropped off again when the weather got cold in November and I holed up inside on the weekends. But, as much as I hate the dreadmill, I'm proud that I've kept up my weekday routine (except when sick) and my steps didn't drop back off to early-2014 levels again!

So now I've been thinking about what's next. I gained an additional 5# over the summer (on top of the 5# heavier I already was, which I attributed to my misery for having to remain at TEP for as long as I did, and thus drinking a glass of wine after work most nights, instead of just once or twice per week). Thankfully my new weekday routine has gotten me back to my post-baby weight range again, and now I just need to work on increasing my weekend activity levels again.

But I also want to commit to better overall health, and there are a million different ways I could do that, beyond my 2014 goal (and accomplishment!) of being more active. Healthy in body, mind, and spirit. Healthy to be a better person, wife, mother, and friend. Healthy as in fully self-actualized, per Maslow:



Here are a few potential goals I've identified to help me on that path toward self-actualization:

1.  Sleep. I've been sleeping much worse the past month or so, and it took me until a fews days ago to realize why, because I've been just as militant about getting 8 hours (most nights) as I always have been. The probable culprit? Television.   Yep, the darn boob tube.  My mom turned me on to The Good Wife when I was sick on New Year's, and I've watched two full seasons in the past month. In other words, usually one episode every night between the time Rose goes to sleep and the time I go to bed, and several every weekend day. Which means I haven't read a book in a month either. Ugh. So I'm going now employing the ABA research design to test my theory. I'm pretty sure my sleep will get back to normal once I limit my TV watching to weekday mornings on the treadmill and the occasional weekend afternoon/evening TV show.

2. Water. I'm pretty good about drinking water in the summer, but definitely not so good at this in the winter (or spring, or fall). I'm just so cold all the time, basically from October until May, that water isn't very appealing. But I know I need to drink more of it, because I know I eat more food when I'm not well-hydrated. So I'm trying to make a commitment to filling my water bottle at least twice each day at work: 750ml each morning, and another each afternoon, and a third if I'm really ambitious. Some days it's a struggle, but I'm making some progress...

3. Sugar. OMG, I love it. Crave it. Revel in it. Offer me sugar, or any sugar-like or sugar-derived substance, and I will accept. This is such a HUGE problem for me, given the recently emerging research on the dangers of sugar, that I think it would be reasonable to break it down into several (hopefully more manageable) sub-parts:

   a. sweet beverages. Since I have a sweet tooth, I've traditionally put a fair amount of sugar or honey into my tea (iced or hot). I've tried to cut back before, to no avail. But I happened to get a stomach flu over New Year's a couple weeks ago, and it threw my taste buds and my typical morning routine all off. And thus I went cold turkey. Interestingly, now about four weeks later I don't really miss having honey in my morning tea! I haven't had any iced tea yet, but I'm optimistic that this might be a change that is starting to stick already.
   b. Diet Coke. And speaking of changes, I can also thank my New Year's stomach flu for me getting off Diet Coke. Again. You see, I have this totally co-dependent, on-again-off-again relationship with this drink. Seriously, it's like a drug to me. (And some researchers would say the aspartame really is a drug!) I always, always feel better when I'm not drinking the stuff, but inevitably I'll have one "just this one time" and then it will eventually turn into 1-3 cans a day again. Ugh. But I haven't had one since before New Year's, and I'm now trying to think of myself as "someone who doesn't drink soda." As much as I might crave it (and sometimes I do, so much that it hurts!), I'm someone who doesn't drink soda (or so I'm trying to convince myself). I decided to grant myself an exception for the occasional "natural" soda, such as a homemade root beer if I'm at a brewery with Mike, but that's it.  And in the spirit of full disclosure, I will admit that I did have one sip of Rose's Sprite when we were at DQ last Friday, but honestly it didn't even taste that good to me.  So let's see where this one is at in another month or two!
   c. desserts. Oh, dessert, how I love thee. I love cakes, I love cookies, I love ice cream, I love pie, I love pastries, I love pure chocolate...I could go on and on. (I hate to blame my parents for my own faults and shortcomings, but I've got to think that my history of severely rationed desserts may be playing some sort of role here!) Sometimes I think it's a little crazy that I will wake up at 4:45am to walk on the dreadmill every day, but I find it impossible to say no to a second cookie, or a third, or a fourth. So in this area my goals are really two-fold: (a) to limit myself to one portion of dessert per day (I can feel the judgment from all of you even as I type that!), (b) eliminating processed desserts (see part D below) in favor of only home-made desserts (thanks for the ice cream maker, mom and dad!!), and (c) being more creative about what "dessert" means (more fruits for dessert, or a single piece of chocolate, etc.).
   d. processed foods. I've been more influenced by Michael Pollan recently, and bloggers like the woman who writes "100 days of real food." As I read more, I'm struck by the fact that there's sugar in EVERYTHING. And not just the obvious culprit like Oreos (mmmm...oreos, how I covet thee), but also crackers, salad dressing, salsa, etc.  Hardly any processed food is "safe," and of course I would like to make everything from scratch all the tiem, but being a full-time working mom means I have to draw the line somewhere. So now my struggle is trying to figure out exactly where. I haven't bought Oreos since before Christmas, but I certainly have used store-bought salad dressing. A good first step, but further improvement is certainly needed in this area.
 
4. Mindfulness. I KNOW I need to slow down and eat only when I'm hungry, but some days that's certainly hard as I'm eating lunch at my desk between patients (d'oh!) or scarfing down my dinner before the bedtime battle begins with Rose (ugh!). This is definitely easier said than done. 

5. Fruits/Veggies. I know I need more, not only at every meals, but also more variety throughout the seasons. Will this take care of itself if I address the above issues (e.g., cutting out processed foods), or is it better to tackle this one up front??

6. Relationships. Last but not least, I'm making a commitment to health via relationships. I know I'm much happier when I reconnect with friends on a regular basis (although it's also a fine line with being over-committed and not honoring my relationship with myself as well...). I'm trying to focus more on the friendships and gatherings that feed my soul, and less on the commitments that I think I "should" be doing, while also balancing plenty of time with Mike/Rose and also "Steph time." It's hard for my people-pleasing personality, but I know it's yet another way that I can healthier as a person. As a result, I'm trying to attend more happy hours/brunches/bookclubs with close friends, ensuring that I'm always reading a good book each night before bed, scheduling "family time" with Mike and Rose, debating whether I want to continue with the Library Friends or not, and gradually stepping back from Facebook. I don't have any final answers in this area, but I definitely know I need to work on making these changes.


So, there you have it. If 2014 was about becoming active again (and starting a new job so I could have a chance of not being depressed any more), 2015 is about a broader sense of health. Per Maslow, my basic needs are now being met, so now I am able to take steps toward self-actualization. Thus, this is my public commitment to starting to take better care of myself, so I can be a happier and more fulfilled person. I'll check back in on all of these areas at the end of the year! Here goes the grand adventure of 2015: the pursuit of well-rounded HEALTH.