Mommy Wars

After I posted my take on the "Are You Mom Enough" cover story from Time, I had several people (mostly from my parents' generation) ask if there really was that much animosity and judgment from one mom to the next nowadays. Sad to yes, but it's very true.   

Here's an example. One of my facebook friends (a coworker) who is now 12 weeks pregnant posted a status update earlier today about having "sticker shock" after touring a daycare center. (Daycare centers around here run $300-350 per week.)  Now, most of the responses were quite helpful. Things like: "check out in-home care," or "look further away from downtown Minneapolis," or "I know someone who knows someone who nannies," and things like that. Very nice.


But then there was this gem, which I copied verbatim (other than removing her husband's name):  "Maybe its gods way of trying to get more ppl to raise there kids??? {Husband} and I did tag team with work and watching the kids. Wouldn't have done it any different. Glad we were able to instill our values in our kids and not a center. Hard decision for ppl to have to make." (A response which garnered several "likes.")

Now, ignoring her terrible spelling and atrocious grammar (yes, I get snarky when I'm mad. I'll own that.), I think this is a "great" example of the judgment my cohort faces around every corner. Isn't it wonderful to take a quick jaunt on facebook only to be indirectly accused of (a) not raising my child myself, (b) allowing everyone else except me to instill any old values in my daughter, and (c) defying God's plans for what is good in the world?


Really? Do you not think I'm going to do any parenting outside of daycare? And do you think I shouldn't send Rose to school either, since that could also be a cop-out on my part? Because clearly, if I really loved my daughter, I would be a poster child for full-on attachment parenting, including home-schooling her right through grad school - or at least through college.... Or maybe after age 6 then there are no more values to be instilled and then other people (teachers) can just raise our kids for us? Ugh.


And that, my friends, is the Mommy Wars.






P.S. Now that I've calmed down a bit after venting all of the above, I want to be very clear that I have the utmost respect for anyone (mother or father) who chooses to stay home vs anyone who chooses to work. I just want us all to appreciate the value we all offer in different capacities, to be comfortable with our own decisions, and to respect the choices that are best for our respective families.


P.P.S. My friend Ryan made me promise not to post blog updates without photos, so here's one of me reading during Rose's nap yesterday afternoon. I'm totally addicted to the Game of Thrones series, and Rose is addicted to sleeping in my arms! :)