As the Breastmilk Turns...

It's time for yet another installment in the soap opera of my life, what I will "affectionately" refer to as The Breastfeeding Saga. Remember back in the early days, when I was diagnosed with extremely sensitive skin as well as Reynaud's, and Rose was diagnosed with an extremely vigorous suck? We addressed those issues as best we could, but then later the pain came back. So then I was also diagnosed with an underlying bacterial infection, which we also treated. Then Rose developed the charming habit of clamping down and yanking her head back a few minutes into each feeding, which was also painful. Marta, "my" lactation consultation (whose direct line is programmed into my phone), also helped us figure out that problem.

But as of Saturday I started developing a new sort of pain, one that kept getting worse despite me trialing all my previously amassed breastfeeding "tools" in my "toolkit." UGH.

So back to Marta we went. After another round of awkward examination, the new theory is:
(1) I have some of the most sensitive skin Marta has ever encountered, and Rose has an extremely vigorous suck (as we had previously established).
(2) Given that the Reynaud's and the bacterial infection have been treated, it seems like Rose's vigorous suck has "trained" my boobs to have a strong let down.
(3) This forceful let down of milk essentially ends up choking her, which causes her to clamp down her lips/gums to slow the flow of milk.
(4) In addition, this rush of milk causes her to have to burp frequently, which she "tells" me by arching her back and yanking her head back (while still clamped on to my nipple).
(5) This clamping and yanking caused some sort of deep tissue damage, which is now causing my new pain.

What a fiasco, huh?! 

The good news in all this is that she's still gaining weight like crazy (she was 10# 12oz this morning, which means she is continuing to gain over an ounce per day, while the average baby gains 0.5 to 1.0 oz per day), which means she is a very happy breastfed baby. Plus Marta gave me a new plan for dealing with this pain:
(1) Continue the B6 since there's still some blanching from the Reynaud's.
(2)  Restart the ibuprofen every 4-6 hours.
(3) Take at least a couple pumping breaks each day, whenever I have a feeding "helper" around. (That's you, Daddy!)
(4) Restart the APNO (i.e., All Purpose Nipple Ointment) just in case that helps.
(5) Start feeding Rose in a very upright position, so she's less likely to choke (and thus less likely to clamp down or yank back). As a corollary, the other good news is that babies stuck with a forceful letdown often eat many small meals per day because their stomachs get full so quickly. There's a chance that feeding her in a more upright position will slow the milk down, giving her stomach time to stretch, thus allowing her to eat more in one sitting, therefore stretching out the time between feedings.
(6) Grin and bear it for the next couple days, although all of the above should allow the damaged tissue to heal soon (I hope!).

So there you have it, your weekly soap opera update. I'm hoping this saga will be "cancelled" soon and I won't have any new pain issues to tell you all about!

Memorial Day weekend - Rose is five weeks old!

We survived our first family vacation! We headed up to Mike's mom and stepdad's cabin on Saturday morning for Memorial Day weekend. We also met up with his stepbrother's family (Jason, Emily, Claire, Ella and Annie). It was a great weekend!

Saturday we went out for delicious dinner at the Angry Minnow brewpub in Hayward, then I got to go to bed early since it was time for "daddy duty."  :)

Sunday we did lots of lounging around...Or at least I did lots of much-needed lounging around! Rose and I took a really long nap together, which was lovely. (thankfully I'm not drooling in this photo that Mike took!)

We also gave Rose a bath and her hair dried into an awesome "faux-hawk" for her five-week photos (see below for more!).

Then I took another nap while Mike went out to the lake with Rose's cousins and Grandma Roles watched Rose.

Claire even caught a turtle!

Ella fell in love with "Baby Rose" and loved to narrate her every move during the entire weekend. :)

Unfortunately I neglected to get a picture of cousin Annie or of Aunt Emily! Sorry about that. Just trust me that we were all there and we all had a great time :)


And here are Rose's "official" five week photos:

Smiles!

Rose is starting to smile and to "talk." It's so exciting (and rewarding!).    :)

An exciting week!

Rose and I have had so many fun adventures this week! Here are the highlights:

Monday
We met up with my "bookclub" for lunch in Northfield (at Hogan Bros - mmmm, turkey sandwich and diet coke!) and then walked around campus. Classes were still in session and it was weird to be there with a stroller! But it was so nice to catch up with Mary, Jess, Dotty (and her son, Anders), and the new Dr. Jaimi J!

We figured out that Rose and Anders could be part of the Carleton class of '34...

Tuesday
New Mama class day! So great to have a reason to leave the house. :)  We stayed after class to get Rose's weight...our little milk monster now weighs ten pounds two ounces!!!

Wednesday
Mike's 34th birthday!  He got permission from his adviser to take the day off (will wonders never cease!), so after he got home from his twice-weekly volunteering at the SLP high school he opted to spend some quality time with Rose (which meant a leisurely weekday shower for me!).  Then we checked out REI's sale, ate some gelato at Pandolfi, and had a lovely lunch at Republic. Then I was "on Rose duty" while Mike took a long birthday nap, then he took over "Rose duty" while I had a wonderful, amazing, glorious post-natal massage (thank you, Marsha!!!).  I wish every day was Mike's birthday :)

Thursday
Yesterday it was super rainy and cold, so I finally got up the nerve to try on non-maternity pants...and my favorite jeans fit! Hallelujah! (I didn't have the nerve to try on any other pants, but I am cautiously optimistic that I will one day wear non-elastic clothing once again!)  Rose and I had lunch with with the others from our New Mama class, then we had a visit from Grammy. Oh, and had delicious BBQ chicken for dinner, courtesy of my parents!

Friday
We dropped Mike off for work, then we went for a stroll around Cedar Lake. She got hungry partway through, so I found a secluded bench (overlooking the water) on which I could feed her. Just as her meal was getting underway beneath the nursing cover, two fishermen set themselves up right in front of me! Ugh! So much for my secluded bench with the nice view.

"Well, at least we'll be done soon," I figured, shrugging it off.

One of the men was very nice and tried to strike up a conversation: "How old is your baby?"

"Almost 5 weeks," I replied.

"Five weeks?!" he responded, seeming incredulous. "This I have to see!" And he proceeded to make a beeline straight toward the nursing cover!!

"She'll be done eating in just a minute!!!" I frantically sputtered at him.

It was at that moment that he seemed to understand what a nursing cover was. He got bright red, apologized profusely, and kept his back firmly toward us for the rest of Rose's lunch.

Sigh. Well, I guess I'm getting over my fear of nursing in public!


Miscellaneous
In other news, I learned today that my phone has a list of the most frequently called numbers. Sadly, my most frequent contacts are:
1. Mike
2. my parents
3. my grandma
4. my friend Marcy
5. the lactation consultations :)
Rose had developed the charming tendency of clamping down with her gums and violently arching her head back I wasn't holding her just right, so it took a few more calls to my favorite lactation specialist to get that sorted out. But otherwise things are going well in the breastfeeding realm!


Finally, I would just like a little (one-handed) applause for the fact that I typed most of this post with only one hand, since our little girl has decided that she only wants to be held.  All. The. Time.  It might be a little annoying if she weren't so darn cute...

Happy Memorial Day weekend, everyone!

Smart baby

She figured out how to keep her pacifier in her mouth :)

Happy cats?

They are both on my lap! This is amazing, just four days after the redirected aggression. Yay for kitty prozac!

Four weeks!

Rose turned four weeks old yesterday!

Right now she likes:
+ "more milk!"
+ sleeping with her arms up above her head, or being tightly swaddled
+ fresh air and going for long walks
+ bath time
+ arching her back for big stretches

And she does not like:
- transitioning from "sleep" to "wake"
- having to "toot"
- hiccups

Mike and I are excited that she is starting to like to sleep longer at night - she usually has one four-hour stretch between feedings each night now!!!!  :)


I couldn't pick a favorite of her 4-week "portraits" so here are a few good ones. Consider it a bonus since this blog post is one day late!

things are looking up

Last week was pretty rough, what with the sleep deprivation and the feline redirected aggression and breastfeeding pain and all. But now things are definitely looking up!

First, Mac's eye seems to be healed. (Yay!)  Second, Rose has been sleeping for at least one 4-hour stretch each night. (Hallelujah!!) Third, we've been able to nurse full-time without pain for the last couple days!  Now that I'm not so tied to the pump, this has given me the courage to venture out with Rose a lot more - getting regular fresh air has been so helpful!  And, finally, we got Lucy started on some Kitty Prozac (which we had been hesitant to do for sooo long), but it seems to be a wonder drug! She is much more calm, but not all doped up. Better yet, we've already been able to start reintroducing the cats already! The last times they fought, it has always taken WEEKS to reintroduce them. But Lucy is so calm now that she's already starting to feel comfortable again around Mac - in fact, they're both sleeping on the couch right now! (Opposite ends of the couch, but still!) What a relief.

In other news, Mike and I had our first "date night" last night. I was anxious leading up to it, but it ended up being GREAT. We went to see our favorite pianist, Yevgeny Sudbin, perform a Mozart concerto with the MN Orchestra, then stopped at Dairy Queen on the way home. (We actually left at intermission since we both hate Sibelius so much, and that was all that was on the second half of the program. We wanted to leave on a high note, and we knew Sibelius couldn't top Sudbin and Mozart!) I had expected a lot of tears from anxiety and guilt about leaving Rose so soon, but actually my only tears were when I realized that it felt great to be away for a bit and then I felt guilty about not feeling more guilty. (Argh! I can't win!)

So a great big thanks to Grandma Roles and Grandpa Fly for watching Rose so we could go out! Since it went well, we'll definitely plan another night out at some point in the future, so we will be taking someone else up on their babysitting offer. (Grammy, you're next on the list to be asked! Then Marcy!)

I'm so glad things are looking up all around. And to end this post on another high note, here's a photo of Rose's 6am "milk coma" yesterday morning:

P.S.

My friend Ryan said I shouldn't post anything without photos, so here are a couple pictures from Rose's bath last week (to make up for my "two steps forward" post with no photos).  :)

two steps forward...

The last couple days have definitely been an example of two steps forward, one step back...then two steps forward again...

Tuesday started off really well:
1. We arrived on time (and clean!) to our six-week "New Mama" class.
2. The class went really well and I'm looking forward to next week.
3. My mom came to town and we had a lovely walk around the neighborhood.
4. We ordered Pizza Luce for dinner.
5. I breastfed all day, with only one "break" for pumping.
6. Rose seemed to be winding down for a long night's sleep.

Then:
1. The breastfeeding pain came back with a vengeance at 8pm! Immediately, thoughts of failure as a mother started running through my head (yes, "catastrophizing" is my favorite cognitive distortion).
2. She then woke to feed every 2 hours - meaning that she was up to eat for 30 minutes, then asleep for only 90 - which meant that I slept far less because I would lay there trying to fall asleep, but feeling super anxious because I knew the monitor could go off at any minute.
3. At 5am (right after falling asleep following Rose's 4am feeding) the cats had another bout of feline redirected aggression. Pretty much the last thing ever that we wanted to deal with, especially now that the "quiet room" we used to separate the cats in the past is now Rose's room! Argh.
4. Mac's eye was all red and swollen, and we couldn't tell if it had been injured by Lucy or whether his feline herpesvirus was acting up again.
5. We separated Lucy into the basement bathroom, but she has been howling herself hoarse all day.
6. The basement reeks of cat urine from where they had their fight.

Oy vey.

Luckily I had saved one last gift (my "New Mama Survival Kit" which was earmarked for a day at home when I needed some TLC for myself), so I opened that and found all my favorite snacks and a very encouraging card in there. (Thank you, Megan!!!) And luckily my mom came back later in the morning (she had spent the night at her cousin Janet's). And luckily Mike's advisor let him work from home on Wednesday.

Eventually I got 2 long naps in, got a fair amount of rest knowing that Rose had two competent people to look after her (even if I was so sleep-deprived as to be completely incompetent myself), and I got a lot of encouragement (and cognitive restructuring) from my favorite therapist mother.

Better yet, Rose ate at 6:45pm last night, then we both went to sleep until she woke to eat at 10pm. Then my little rock star slept straight through until 2:30am, and again until 6am!!!! It was my best night of sleep in weeks. Yay, Rose!!

So we have a happy baby and a well-rested mommy. Now here's hoping for progress with the cats...

Mother's Day!

It was my first Mother's Day as an actual mother, and I had such a fabulous day! Thanks to Rose and Mike, and to everyone who sent cards :)

We started off with some snuggle time after her 5:45am feeding:

Then we took her "official" three-week-old photos:

Mike let me take a long, relaxing shower, then we headed out for a hike at Fort Snelling State Park:

We breastfed - in public! I think this was a huge step for me to get over my fear of leaving the house with her :)

Then we got lunch (turkey sandwich and Diet Coke - surprise, surprise) and picked up some food from the grocery store for dinner. Mike let me take a two hour (!) nap, then Rose and I had some quality time together while he cooked.

 

We ate some wonderful beer can chicken, double-baked potatoes, spring green salad, and Java Chip ice cream.  Now Mike is in bed while I wait up for her 10:30pm feeding...

Thanks, Mike and Rose, for the lovely day!!

Good times

Lest you all get the wrong idea that we're all heartache in the land of breastfeeding woes, I thought I'd share some happier news from the Burcusa household.

Mike is loving his time with Rose:

She and I get plenty of snuggle time:

And now that things are looking up on the feeding front (we had four relatively pain-free feeding sessions today!), we've even ventured out for a few walks together!

Oh, and she still strikes the cutest poses when she sleeps.   :)

 

In other news, Mike and I had a delicious dinner tonight (spaghetti and homemade meatballs - thanks, Mom and Dad!) and I had my first glass of wine since last July. And it wasn't just any wine: it was the wine I gave Mike for our 1st anniversary that he then earmarked for our 8th anniversary. Well, we weren't able to drink it on our anniversary last August, but it was still pretty special to have a glass of it tonight!

First-Time Parents Overspend on Baby

So apparently first-time parents tend to overspend on baby? (see article below)  Who woulda thought.   :)

Actually, I think Mike and I have done a good job of not being completely outlandish. We did totally splurge on our stroller, but so far I don't regret a penny we spent on that (it's so smooth on walks, super versatile with all the attachments, and she sleeps in the bassinet attachment most of the time).  Here's a quick overview of our most and least favorite items so far, in our whopping 2.5 weeks of experience as parents:

Two thumbs up: 
Aden and Anais muslin blankets -  Thank you to my friend Megan for introducing these to us! This has become our go-to for daytime swaddling. They also work great as warm weather blankets, sun shields, etc. I'm glad we picked up a couple extra, in addition to the one Megan gave us.
Flannel receiving blankets - We got about a million of these as gifts and we wondered what we would possibly do with all of them. Well, guess what we run out of almost every day? They are great for burp clothes, drying off after a bath, laying on the changing table, etc.
Medela breast pump - Couldn't live without it, given everything we've been through with breastfeeding. Thank you, BCBS, for covering this under my insurance plan.
California Baby diaper cream - The hospital gave us A+D ointment to use, but she started developing an even worse rash from it. So we switched to CA Baby after we got home (since it's cloth diaper friendly, unlike the A+D, and it's made of much nicer ingredients) and her rash cleared up in just a couple days. I'm a huge fan!
Angel Baby Nipple Cream - I'm going through this container like it's going out of style, but it's been great at keeping my nipples from getting cracked (which is the one thing I've got going for me in this whole breastfeeding fiasco!).
Nursing tanks - I bought a couple of these before Rose was born (Glamourmom, Bravado, and Target brand), and my friend Margaret also sent me a few. They are wonderful! I've been living in them, day and night! When I have to wear a bra I really like the Bravado bras I bought, but for now I'm loving the tank option instead.
Itzbeen - Okay, I'll admit that I thought this would fall in the "worst of" category, but it's been completely indispensable for the past two weeks. All it is is a little timer that can count different things, and it has the option of sounding an alarm when a certain time is reached. So for the past two weeks we've used it to monitor time since (1) the last diaper change, (2) the last feeding session, (3) I last started pumping, and (4) I last took my ibuprofen. Now that we no longer have to wake Rose every 3 hours to eat (and now that we're both just ever-so-slightly more rested ourselves) it's not so essential anymore. But it was crucial those first few days!
Halo Sleep Sacks -  We got a few of these from my friend Ryan and they are amazing! It's so easy to swaddle Rose, and I don't worry about her kicking the blanket loose and suffocating overnight. We bought a few more so we'd always have a clean one on hand.

Two thumbs down:
Bottles - We heard that some babies will only take certain bottles, so we got a few sets of the popular brands (Dr. Brown's, Avent, etc.) at $20 a pop. Well, with all our breastfeeding woes we got strict instructions from our lactation consultant to only use Medela Calma bottles. Oh well.
Pacifiers - Similarly, we also heard that some babies only like certain pacifiers, so we registered for a few different kinds. But the one kind we somehow did not register for was the Soothies pacifiers, which turned out to be the only ones she likes (as least for now). Oops.
Angel Baby Bottom Balm - As much as I love their nipple cream, this butt balm didn't do much good. (We tried it after the A+D but before we got the CA Baby.) At least it was only a couple dollars from Amazon.

Our other splurges have all been penguin-related: Rose has a ton of stuffed penguins, and even has a penguin pacifier. So I guess those weren't really "necessary." But I'd say we've done pretty well overall so far!

(P.S. If you gave us something that's not on this list, that doesn't mean we don't love it or that we don't use it! These are just some items off the top of my head.)

May 3, 2012, 1:14 am

Why First-Time Parents Overspend on Baby

By KJ DELL'ANTONIA

 

The Origami stroller: $849.99 worth of unnecessary awesomeness.

“What’s the silliest thing you bought for your first baby?”

I asked that on my Facebook page back in January, and did I get answers — Moses basket! Bottles shaped like breasts! Wipe warmer! Grocery cart protective cover, baby jeans, baby bathtub… There was disagreement. Some people loved their Diaper Genies, some loathed them; ditto the sling and the swing.

But there was no disagreement over the premise: first-time parents spend more on first babies, and not just because we don’t already own the basics. It’s not that we’re buying our first car seat, but that we think we’re really going to need the accompanying detachable toy arc and mirror. We spend more because we think we need more. “First-time parents,” the pediatrician Jennifer Trachtenberg, author of “The Smart Parent’s Guide to Getting Your Kids Through Checkups, Illnesses and Accidents,” told me when I called, “believe that the more they buy, the easier it will be.”

The parents of Dr. Trachtenberg’s patients tell her they’re worried about getting things right. They want to be good parents, and good parents have the things their babies need — whatever those things are. The more stressed a new parent is about a particular aspect of their baby’s life, Dr. Trachtenberg says, the more likely he or she is to spend on it. “When a new mother can’t nurse, for example, she wants the best formula money can buy — and that’s a big misconception. Nutritionally, they’re all made to the same standard. Price has nothing to do with quality.” Expensive clothes? Luxury soaps? “Not,” Dr. Trachtenberg reminds parents, “going to make anyone a better mom.”

I thought of my conversation with Dr. Trachtenberg earlier this month, when I came across an ad for an organic stroller cleaning kit. She described the bottle sterilizer as one of the least useful things a new parent could buy, but with the discovery of this kit (which comes with a “reclaimed microfiber cloth” and a scrub brush, and which was available in the “gifting suite” at the 2012 Golden Globes) I think we’ve taken the word “unnecessary” to a different level.

What was the silliest thing you bought for your first baby? And what do you really need?

Titanic

Note: I'm writing this on 4/7/12, but set it up to delay posting it until after Baby's arrival.


Titanic is being re-released in 3D this week, and it made me realize that the main characters are named Jack and Rose. Rose! That's our name! I really hope people don't think that we're naming our baby after a James Cameron movie. Ugh!  At least this blog suggests that Rose is unlikely to take off in popularity at this point, at least as a first name. But we'll see how her name is trending after the 2011 Social Security names list is released in mid-May...

Titanic's Jack Dawson Only One of Many Heroes Named Jack

Apr 6th 2012

This month marks the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the RMS Titanic and also, in case you haven't noticed the massive marketing campaign, the rerelease of James Cameron's 1997 smash hit Titanic, now in 3D. 

The film didn't do much to spur the popularity of Rose, which was peaking as a top 20 name in the 1910s when the Titanic sank, but has steadily declined. It has plateaued at a rank in the 300s and remained there for the past several decades, now serving as a tremendously popular middle name, especially among celebrity babies. 

Jack, however, is a different story. In the 1910s, Jack was the 23rd most popular name among baby boys and reached its peak during the next decade, slowly declining until the 1980s when it began to climb again. Jack was rising fast by the time Titanic was released, but the film definitely gave it a boost in 1998. 

The name also has an interesting history behind it. Jack was often used as the name for a plucky young hero in legends and fairy tales and was portrayed in a variety of ways -- as a foolish young boy who becomes brave as in Jack and the Beanstalk to a strong and clever young man as he is in Jack the Giant Killer. 

You might even have noticed that all different kinds of heroes in movies, television shows, books and more have been repeatedly dubbed Jack. Besides Jack Dawson, a character that propelled Leo DiCaprio to stardom, Jacks can range from young, brave heroes like Jack "Cowboy" Kelly in the cult musical Newsies to the charming and clever Captain Jack Sparrow in the Pirates of the Caribbean films. Rough and ruthless Jack Bauer from TV series 24, Jack Shepard as the leader of the survivors on Lost and the hero of many Tom Clancy novels, Jack Ryan, are just a few more.

There have been so many, especially recently, that we have almost become accostomed, in a way, to think of characters named Jack as heroes, beginning with the hero Jack of the aforementioned folktales. Though, of course, Jack can also be a great name for an antagonist -- Jack Torrance of The Shining for one.

What do you think of the name Jack? What are some other heroes named Jack/which are your favorites? 

--A.F.

"disorder of lactation"

First off, a huge thanks to everyone who expressed understanding and support after my last breastfeeding post! I feel much less alone knowing that I'm (unfortunately) not the only one to have had trouble in this area, and also knowing that I have a wonderful support network cheering us on! Thank you.

Progress has been really slow on this front - for the past week, we've still pretty much only been able to do two "old fashioned" feedings per day, with the rest being pumped. It's really been taking a toll not only on my sleep but also on my confidence as a mother. So yesterday (Tuesday) we went back to the lactation consultants again. The good news is that the B6 seems to really be helping the Raynaud's / vasospasms, and she also encouraged me to use warm compresses more often and to do whatever I need to do to stay warm (not a problem! I like being warm, and apparently so do my boobs!). The bad news is that this treatment to date hasn't fully fixed the pain problem.

So after much awkward poking, prodding, and analyzing, the new theory as to the cause of my "disorder of lactation" is that I also have an underlying bacterial infection of some sort (in addition to Rose's vigorous sucking and my very sensitive skin and the Raynaud's). Now I have a "prescription" for a homemade ointment (hydrocortisone cream plus polysporin cream) that I have to apply after every feeding, and as a result I'm feeling a little more optimistic again. In addition, since the pain continues to be the worst during the first minute or so of feeding, we're now back to using the nipple shields again. However, we discovered that if I have the nipple shield on during the entire feeding, she only gets a fraction of the milk she needs (she got 10 ml of milk with the shield vs. 2 oz of milk without -- one ounce is about 30 ml, and she needs at least 3 oz of milk per feeding). So we just use the nipple shields for the first minute or two, then we take it off.

Got all that? It's quite a routine, for something that's supposed to be as "simple" and "natural" as breastfeeding.

In other words, here's our new routine (when Mike is not home):
1. Determine that Rose is hungry (which is sometimes hard to figure out!)
2. Feed her the milk I pumped 1.5-3 hours ago, repeatedly telling her to "slow down!" and giving her lots of burp breaks.
3. Lull her to sleep in her bouncy chair.
4. Put on the MotherLove nipple balm (to prevent friction from the pump), then pump for 20+ minutes.
5. Gently rub off the MotherLove and replace it with the hydrocortisone/polysporin cream.
6. Wash all the pump parts.
7. Figure out when she's hungry again.
8. Repeat the above steps. OR, twice per day:
Gently rub off the hydro/poly cream.
9. Place the nipple shield.
10. Try to convince Rose to open a BIG MOUTH.
11. Let her eat for 2 minutes.
12. Remove the nipple shield.
13. Try to get her to latch on with a BIG MOUTH again.
14. Let her eat as long as possible. (She likes to fall asleep after about 2 minutes)
15. Wake her back up again.
16. Place the nipple shield on the other side.
17. Let her eat for 2 minutes.
18. Remove the nipple shield and remind her to use a BIG MOUTH.
19. Hope she eats for more than 2 seconds.
20. Cuddle her to sleep.
21. Put on the hydro/poly cream.
22. Try to rest for 30-120 minutes until she's ready to eat again.

So, as you can see it's still quite a process. BUT, we tried 2 "old-fashioned" feedings (can you even call it that when you're using a nipple shield?) in the last 24 hours, and both involved very, very, very minimal pain - maybe not even pain, but just slight discomfort! I'm super hopeful that this new solution will do the trick, but I'm not going to push it too fast. Please continue to keep your fingers crossed for us!

In cloth!

Rose lost her umbilical stump today, so here she is in her first cloth diaper!!!

Two weeks!

Time is flying and our little girl is growing up so quickly!

Right now she likes:
+ "more milk!"
+ having her hands up by her face
+ laying on her right side
+ being swaddled or strapped into her car seat
+ tummy time

And she does not like:
- having her diaper changed
- putting on new clothes
- sponge baths
- having to "toot"

Her "official" two-week-old portrait:

(Don't you love the penguin pacifier Mike got for her?!)    :)

Superstar!

Rose had another check up today. When she was born she weighed 7#10oz, and when she was discharged she was only 7#2oz - which is totally normal, since most babies lose 5-10% of their birth weight. By their one-week check-up, however, they should have regained about 1/2 to 1 oz per day, but Rose was only at 7#4oz when she was 5 days old. So, we had to go back again today, hoping and praying that she'd be back up to 7#10oz again.

But before I get to the exciting news about today's weight, let me first recount this weird conversation I had in the waiting room with another mom:

(Enter the nice lady carrying her newborn. She proceeds to sit right next to me.)
Her: What a cute baby boy!
Me: (A bit annoyed, because even though Rose wasn't in pink, she was dressed in very gender-neutral clothing.) Actually, she's a girl.
Her: Oh.
Me: Do you have a boy or a girl? (trying to model politeness)
Her: A girl.
(pause)
Her: Her face is all scratched up!
Me: (A little more annoyed) Yeah, I need to trim her nails again. They grow so fast! (attempting to laugh off my discomfort)
Her: So is this her first doctor's appointment?
Me: No, we were in last week but now we're back again to check that she's growing okay.
Her: (slight pause) So there's something wrong with her?

At that point I was super relieved that she and her daughter got called back to see the doctor. Seriously, what weird questions!

Anyway, back to Rose...

So we were praying that she'd get back up to 7#10oz by today. And guess what our little milk monster weighed in at.... 8#5oz!!! Woo-hoo! Our little superstar gained over a pound in just one week!! The best part of this? Now that she's surpassed her birthweight, we don't have to wake her every 3 hours anymore! Double woo-hoo!!  Way to go, Rose!

Pills

Rose is turning me into a pill popper - although definitely not of the "mommy's little helper" variety! I now take:
*ibuprofen (for boob pain)
*Vitamin B6 (same)
*Femdophilis (to ward off yeast infections after all the antibiotics we were both on)
*"mother load" (an herbal remedy to increase milk production)
*prenatal multivitamin
*fish oil
*calcium+d
Whew! Thanks heavens for my pill box, even if it does make me feel about 80 years old to be using one!

breastfeeding

 Why did no one warn me about the horrors of breastfeeding?!? I feel like friends, family, the media, and society in general all showcased a pretty realistic portrayal of the highs and lows of both pregnancy and childbirth. But breastfeeding, on the other hand, has always been portrayed as a relaxing, mother-child bonding time: cue the soft focus camera lenses as mother gazes adoringly at her newborn's sweet face. My experience, however, has been one of clenched toes, stifled sobs, and the searing pain of my nipples being slowly sheared off with a rusty spoon.

It all started well enough in the early hospital hours. The nurses declared her to have an excellent latch, I was producing a decent amount of colostrum, and we started to bond over our brief feeding periods. Of course, I thought, here's the beauty of motherhood! After my awful labor, it seemed only fair that we'd settle right into nursing.

But then the pain started to set in.

I can't describe how awful it got, and how quickly. In the 2+ days we were hospitalized, we met with all three of the official lactation consultants, plus every registered nurse in the special care nursery who earned her LC certificate on the side. After some debate over whether the pain might be caused by her being "tongue tied" (with the requisite treatment being cutting the frenulum in her mouth! No way! Over my dead body!!! Thankfully the pediatrician vetoed this diagnosis almost immediately), all the lactation consultants agreed that my vicious pain was caused by a combination of Rose's extremely vigorous sucking abilities and my extremely sensitive fair skin. Ugh.

Our first solution was to try augmenting our breastfeeding sessions with a feeding tube (like this one). Basically, I'd get Rose latched on, then try to breathe through the pain while Mike inserted the tube into her latch so she'd get extra (pre-pumped) breastmilk from the tube, thus decreasing her need to suck so hard.  That worked for a few days, but by Friday (three days post discharge) even that wasn't enough.

So back to the lactation consultants we went.

After much debate about the pros and cons of various solutions, we eventually landed on our second/current solution: exclusively pumping for 24 hours to give my boobs a break, then slowly adding breastfeeding sessions back in, as tolerable. And when I say slowly adding breastfeeding sessions back in, I mean SLOWLY adding them back in.  On Sunday I completely jumped the gun with 3 breastfeeding sessions in a row, and that caused a huge setback. So now I'm only breastfeeding about one in six times (if that), as that's truly all I can handle. Especially since I also seem to have Raynaud's of the breast, which is likely contributing (or fully causing?) my pain. So now I'm also on a strict regimen of vitamin B6 daily, in the hopes that this will lessen the pain without having to resort to a prescription medication.

Anyway, so this solution (mostly pumping, plus some B6) seems to be working for now. The main drawback is the amount of time that it takes - when Mike is home/awake, he can bottle-feed Rose while I pump, so we're both done within 30 minutes or so. But when he's away/asleep, it takes me 20-30 minutes to feed/burp/diaper Rose, followed by 30 minutes to pump for her next feeding. (I'm usually producing just barely enough milk, but occasionally we have to supplement with some formula). Not bad at one o'clock in the afternoon, but the whole routine feels exponentially longer at one o'clock in the morning (especially if, like last night, it takes an additional 90 minutes to get her back to sleep again afterward).

Like I said, this solution is doable for now, so I'm trying not to get ahead of myself and worrying about whether I'd be able to continue with this in a month or two. (Simply being able to breastfeed would be so much easier!)  Instead, I'm trying to focus on just getting through one feeding at a time.  I'm also reminding myself that formula is not the devil - whatever breastmilk I can give Rose is a huge benefit to her, but it's better for me not to get all stressed and in pain, since then she'll just end up drinking cortisol-laced milk, and she certainly doesn't need any more of my stress hormones! A happy mommy and a healthy baby is the goal, no matter what route it takes to get there - even if that means exclusively pumping and/or supplementing with formula. (Right?)

So please keep your fingers crossed for us that we can gradually increase our breastfeeding sessions over time! Like I said to Mike, I can be massively sleep deprived or I can be in horrific pain, but I can't be a happy mommy when both are happening. So for now we'll continue with the sleep deprivation path and hopefully it will eventually lead us to a pain-free breastfeeding future.