Growing girl

Today Rose discovered my (one) lipstick...

lots of random updates

1. Sometimes I catch myself saying things as a parent that I never would have expected and that sound completely ridiculous. Like today when I had to say, "no, sweetheart, we don't put Legos in our undies." 

2. I wanted to make myself something special for my birthday, so last weekend I tried making a black forest layer cake. It was delicious, if I do say so myself!

3. Today I was feeling all smug with myself as I pulled into the Target parking lot, then called my parents so I could talk to them via bluetooth from the comfort of my car. (Smug because I wasn't talking while driving, and also because I wasn't wasting gas by keeping the car idling.) After we talked for about 30 min, I did all our grocery shopping and was ready to head home. But my car wouldn't start!!! Thank heavens for my free 3 year/36000mi roadside assistance. The guy was able to come jump my car after about 40 min. Sigh. Not feeling so smug anymore now that I realized what I did just totally drained my battery! Ugh.

4. Rose got to go to a birthday party last weekend at Pump It Up, her absolute favorite place in the whole wide world. We are now prepared for numerous months of her begging for her next birthday party to be there, just as she has done after every other party she's been to at that place. It is like crack for kids, I swear.

5. I read this article in the WSJ a couple weeks ago about "bullet journaling" and now I'm totally addicted. Love the new BuJo I've created! I'm sure Mike has bets in his head about when I'll give this up as yet another organizational fad, but so far I'm loving it.

6. After much internal debate (for four whole days) I decided to spend the bulk of my "birthday money" on new baking supplies. I've made more trips to the Nordic Ware factory store (conveniently located down the street from us) in the past month than I have in the first 13 years that we lived here! I now have some beautiful - and very high quality - 9" cake pans, two bakers half sheets, a sheet cake pan, small and large offset spatulas, silicone mats for the half sheets, and parchment rounds. (Prices are MUCH cheaper at the factory store than on line, particularly if one chooses to purchase the "not quite perfect" versions.)  I quickly realized that aluminum scratches VERY easily, but they also bake things evenly, quickly and consistently, so it's a small price to pay. (Note: don't cook acidic or spicy food, or cook at high temperatures, in/with aluminum.)


7.  With all my new supplies, we had cake again for dessert tonight! I don't mean to brag or anything, but it was pretty darn good -- lemon cake, raspberry filling (with fresh raspberries from our garden), vanilla buttercream frosting, and candied ginger decoration. YUM. 

8. The wall is here!  They are making progress on the construction that has been going on outside our house for the past year and a half. I've been so nervous about this huge wall that's been in the works and, well, it IS huge, but it's not as awful as I feared. It will be interesting to see what it's like after it's painted and after highway 7 opens up again.

Today. (Use the tree on the right as your reference point for the coming photos.)

One month ago.

Three months ago.

Two years ago. (Look how close the cars were!)

9. ...and a goofy photo of Rose to close out this long blog post:

:)

Labor Day weekend

SATURDAY
Mike and his dad went golfing, while Rose and I joined Marsha (Grammy) and Anne (Trula) at the State Fair.

 Between the four of us, we had:
-chocolate milk
-poutine
-cheese curds
-honey ice cream (two flavors)
-french toast bites
-bacon maple BLT
-spicy pork bowl
-blueberry lemonade
-cheesy bread
-corn dog
-malts (two flavors)
-cotton candy
-sweet corn

And we had a lot of fun:
-riding the ferris wheel
-going down the giant slide (twice for Rose)
-petting horses
-looking at rabbits
-watching butter sculptures being carved
-touring a Christmas light display
-looking at arts and crafts
-spinning the Medica trivia/freebie wheel
-playing the midway duck game
-looking at different dog breeds
-riding the bus to and from the park and ride

Rose and Grammy at the top green stripe on the far right

"I had ice cream TWICE today!!!"

First ever taste of cotton candy. (She's in love.)

SUNDAY
Sounds silly, but we enjoyed taking care of business on Sunday. Mike and I each did some "homework" in the morning, then he did some yard work while Rose and I ran errands. (Did you know that vacuums require a belt to, well, vacuum? I'm a little embarrassed to admit how long I was perplexed by our vacuum not working properly. I had cleaned the hose multiple times, to no avail. And our carpet kept looking dirtier and dirtier. Sigh.) So Rose and I bought a new vacuum belt at Sears, and also did some other shopping at MOA:  Lands End, LLBean, the Lego store, and the Disney store -- I'll let you guess who picked which stores.

Making her own princesses and castle.

For lunch we went to Noodles, and somehow Rose managed to swallow part of her spoon.

I'm working really hard not to freak out, since all of my frantic internet research says not to worry as long as there is no pain, blood, or difficulty breathing. She seems fine, so I'm telling myself that I'm fine too.

And when I'm stressed, I bake. So after we got home I whipped up a new recipe - maple cake with maple frosting. I'm not super impressed with it (it's fine and all), but I think in retrospect I was really wanting more of a spice cake with maple frosting...maybe next weekend that will be my goal! (Actually, upon further reflection I think I might attempt a Black Forest Cake for myself for my birthday!!)

Since one meal of pasta clearly wasn't enough, Rose requested "long noodles with just a little bit of sauce and lots of cheese" for dinner. Mike and I were happy to comply (despite the 80-degree heat) since she so rarely requests ANYTHING other than "mac and cheese." Yes, I know that pasta with red sauce is really not THAT different from M&C, but I'll take what I can get.

To make it a little more exciting than our typical weeknight pomodoro, I decided to branch out and attempt a Bolognese. Having never made one before, I naturally read about 50 recipes (to figure out what seem to be the necessary components) and then made a weird amalgamation (choosing what optional add-ins sounded good to me) of all of those. We didn't have carrots or celery in the house (time to go to grocery store...), but otherwise my version was closest to these:
Marcella Hazan
Pioneer Woman
Now, I don't want to toot my own horn or anything, (warning! Tooting ahead!!) but this sauce was AMAZEBALLS. Totally worth the ~2 hours it took. And we have a cup or two leftover that will be GREAT to pull out of the freezer one cold winter night. :)

Here's my attempt at writing out my version from memory:

Steph's Bolognese

• Olive Oil to coat the bottom of the le creuset
• 1 small onion, Diced (or half of a large one)
• Many cloves of Garlic, Minced
• 3/4 -1 #  grass fed Ground Beef
• Dried Oregano and Thyme
• A dash of cayenne
• a handful of Fresh Basil, chopped up
• a big glug or two of Wine (I used some of the box of pinot noir I was drinking from)
• 1 big can (28 Ounce) Organic Crushed Tomatoes
• 1 small can (15 oz?) Organic Diced Tomatoes 
• 1 Tablespoon sugar
• 1 cup Whole Milk
• Sea Salt And Pepper, to taste
• Fresh Parmesan Cheese

Heat oil in a large Dutch oven or skillet over medium heat. Add onions and cook until translucent. Add the garlic and cook about 30 more seconds.

Make a well in the center, then add the ground beef. Cook until brown. 

Add the herbs and spices. A minute or two later, add the wine (about a cup?).  Let the wine simmer off, then add the cans of tomatoes (not drained - add it all) and an additional ~cup of water. 

Let it simmer, stirring occasionally, for about an hour so it's nice and thick. At some point in there, add a little sugar.   (Meanwhile, start boiling some water for your pasta.)

About 10 minutes before you want to eat (e.g., just before you add your box of linguine that takes ~10 min to cook), add 1 cup of milk.  Let it simmer for those 10 minutes. At the very end, stir in 1/4 c parmesan cheese.

Serve with your pasta of choice and a generous sprinkling of Parmesan cheese.

MONDAY
There was a HUGE storm last night, so I watched the lightning and sheets of rain for quite awhile around 3am last night. It didn't help that I was still worried about Rose and that spoon that she swallowed. Ugh. So when Little Miss finally ventured out of her room with her typical greeting ("Is it morning time yet?"), I was exhausted but thrilled to see her. And thrilled not to see any bruising, coughing, etc.

So we celebrated with a Dutch Baby! I love oven pancakes / yorkshire pudding / German pancakes / popovers / whatever you want to call these things. (I'm really not a fan of traditional American pancakes, unless they are more like crepes.) Next time I need to plan ahead a bit more so my ingredients are all at room temperature, but it was still delicious today even without a big "puff" to it.

The rest of the day was incredible because I felt BORED for the first time in I can't ever remember how long. I did my grocery shopping, cleaning a little bit, researched some cake recipes, bought some embroidery floss, baked brownies to bring to work tomorrow, and prepped some dinners for the week. It is SOOOO nice to feel relaxed!!!

Hope you all have had a wonderful long weekend too!!

back to school

Rose is back to school again, ready for her last year of preschool! I can't believe kindergarten is only a year away.

Bedtime reading

Rose was so excited to find a new book waiting for us when we checked in to the hotel tonight. She is busy "reading" the Bible to herself as her bedtime story!

yoga

I went to yoga tonight. I really, really hadn't wanted to go. When I left work it was just starting to drizzle and it was all-out downpour by the time I got home. Traffic was so terrible from the rain that I didn't walk in my front door until about 5:40pm, and I have to leave by 5:50pm to make it to my weekly class in time. After over an hour in traffic, the last thing I wanted to do was hurry to eat something, hurry to change, and to hurry (back in traffic again) to get to the gym. Ugh. But Mike made some off-hand comment about how I "should" go, and I realized that he couldn't MAKE me feel guilty if I didn't already feel guilty myself, so I got my act together and off I went.

By the time I got there, I had calmed down a bit and was looking forward to the practice. The first half hour or so was pretty intense with lots of vinyasa flow. I was starting to feel calm and starting to even enjoy myself. I felt proud for having gotten there, felt powerful in many of the postures, and could feel myself beginning to relax into the moment.

Then we got to Pigeon pose.

F'ing Pigeon.

Now, I have always a love/hate relationship with pigeon. It's never my favorite pose to do (it's physically intense), and I generally find myself worrying the whole time that I'm not doing it "right." (For some reason I worry about that way more for this posture than for any other one. Huh.) So it's usually a physical and emotional challenge and I end up dreading it every week as a result.

But tonight I totally lost it.

We got into pigeon, and all of the sudden I just started sobbing. Like, all-out, blubbering, red-face, splotchy-messed sobbing.

Without any warning, I had these visions of Lucy.  This incredibly intense longing I still feel for her. What I wouldn't give to have her on my lap one more time, to give her one more pet. How guilty I feel that I was anxious when her back legs went numb and that I wasn't able to bring her calm and peace before we brought her to the emergency vet. What an agonizing decision it was to put her down, and the blind trust I saw in her eyes as we made that decision. How incredibly lonely I felt as I held her still body. How I couldn't bear to leave her alone in that room, even knowing she was already gone. How empty our house still feels without her.

And, at the same time, I also had this realization in Pigeon pose of how quickly her death helped me to be aware of how miserable I was in other areas of my life. That I had gotten myself out of one horrific work situation, yet had been placed into another equally horrific one. That, because of losing her and Mac, I realized that my family was still my number one priority in life but my level of misery was having a profound effect (again) on my ability to be present and enjoy time with my husband and daughter. Losing her made me realize the importance of harnessing what little inner strength I had left in order to make changes to be happier and to be present in my own life.

And I also had the realization, looking back, that I DID IT. That my life today is infinitely better than it was six months ago. I have supportive coworkers; I'm finding my niche at work; I have time for hobbies; I'm enjoying my time with Rose and Mike.

I felt as if my memory of Lucy came to me to remind of the inner strength and strong values that I have had all along, but which had gotten buried in the mess of those work situations.  As I came to that realization, I also became aware that the refrain of the song being played during Pigeon pose was all about "forgiveness" -- I wept for losing Lucy, and I also wept for having come so close to losing myself in the misery that I felt back then. I hadn't wanted to believe that I had ended up in a second horrific work situation after just having extricated myself from the other one, so I had tried to convince myself that it wasn't true - and I needed to forgive myself to turning to denial for so long.

It took me the rest of the practice to stop crying. When I finally left the yoga studio, I realized I had smears of eye makeup all over the sleeve of my shirt from wiping my tears away.

And when I walked out of the gym toward my car, there was the most amazing full-sky rainbow. It struck me as the perfect metaphor - the beauty of the rainbow following the storm, just as my life feels beautiful after the unbearable pain of losing Lucy.

Miss you, Loose-ma-goose.

 Thank you, Lucy, for all that you taught me. I love you and miss you, little Loose-Monster.






As an aside: 
Interestingly, as I did a quick web search for a photo to illustrate pigeon pose above, I came across all sorts of pages like this:
Four Reasons Pigeon Pose Makes you Cry
Emotions in Motion
Four Yoga Poses to Unlock Emotions

Olympics!!

So far Rose does not seem to share my love of all things Olympics.  (She is much more interested in playing with her Lego princess set.) Good thing I have many more days to convince her of the magic of all these games!