pain, pain, go away!

Some of you may have heard me complaining about the intermittent ear pain I've been experiencing ever since I got sick in early August. Some nights it's been unbearable enough to wake me (as if my general lack of sleep hasn't been bad enough!), and the thought has crossed my mind several times in the middle of the nights that I would need to go to the ER if it wasn't better in the morning. But every morning it's been marginally improved enough that I've been able to avoid seeing a doctor. You see, I have this terrible fear that my pain threshold is just low and that they will laugh me out of the office and tell me it's just all in my head. (Unlikely, I know. But still technically a possibility!) So it was a huge deal when I got up the nerve to visit the Target Clinic on August 30 to actually see a nurse practitioner. Since I've been prone to ear infections my whole life, I was pretty convinced that I'd be sent home back to work with antibiotics. Alas, the good news (or the bad, depending on how you look at it) was that there was no sign of infection! The NP said she couldn't see any reason for my pain (ugh), so told me to just use warm compresses and take ibuprofen as needed. (The only other options were sudafed, which I'm allergic to, and a million other cold medications, all of which are contraindicated when breastfeeding.)  Fine.  I tried to convince myself that I was better, but I've still been in pain most of the last ten days. So last night, as I was lying awake in agony yet again, I knew I needed to do something. Thankfully Mike was able to work from home today, so I was off the hook for picking Rose up and I was able to go to Urgent Care instead. (FWIW, I tried to schedule something with a primary care doc, but no one at my clinic had any openings. Please don't judge me for using urgent care!) Once again, I was nervous that I would be ridiculed for having a low pain tolerance and/or for having psychosomatic pain (I'll never forget the time that I went to the ER after my second D&C and the nurse asked if I was just upset about the miscarriage, when it turned out that actually I had endometritis - aka "childbed fever" - aka the thing that used to kill women before antibiotics were invented!!! So maybe that should tell me something about the likelihood of me presenting to an urgent/emergency clinic for no good reason!). Anyway, I went to Urgent Care this afternoon and was eventually diagnosed with "eustachian tube dysfunction." So there's a reason I've been in pain! Basically, something is aggravating my eustachian tubes, causing them to close, which leads to fluid build-up and/or air pressure imbalances, thus leading to pain. This also explains why the pain has gone back and forth from ear to ear and not just stayed in one ear, as would be the case with an ear infection. Whew! I'm relieved to not only have a diagnosis, but also a plan of action: I have to take Nasonex nightly for 21 days, followed by a modified neti pot ritual. The doctor didn't explicitly state this, but I'm also going to prescribe myself plenty of rest. I don't think I'd still be fighting off a sickness from six weeks ago if I hadn't been so stressed and sleep deprived recently. I'm hoping Rose will continue to show improvements in her sleep (yay, Rose!), and that I will continue to show improvement in my ability to ask for help (yay, Steph!). Mike has been a tremendous husband and father these last few weeks, and I've appreciated so much the outpouring of support that I've received from friends and family. (Thanks, Mom and Dad, Marsha, Mitra, Jane, Sara, Natalie, and everyone else!) I'm trying hard to build up my "reserve" so minor set-backs don't continue to have such a disastrous impact on me. So here's to me healing up in the next few weeks, getting some good rest, and building up some mental reserves so I can cope with whatever comes my way in the future!

Here's a photo of Rose, to make up for all the "whining" I just did.  She fell into a milk coma in my arms on Sunday morning. Awww.... :)

Last night she woke up at 1am, and I was so groggy that I just stumbled in to feed her. But as soon as I opened the door I realized she was just "talking," not actually upset. But she lit up when she saw me!! So adorable (or at least as adorable as anything is at 1am.)  She wasn't really hungry, but she ate a bit then fell back asleep. But then she "talked" again at 2am, 3am, and 4am - I think she kept trying to get me to come back in and play with her. Kind of cute, right? She outsmarted me at 1am, but I'm hoping I outsmarted her the rest of the night and she won't try that again tonight. I need some sleep!  :)